I have seen three hadiths about the reward of anger control. What is that it distances oneself from Allah’s anger and the other two are Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani, 12/453, see also Saheeh al-Jaami and Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allaah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hur al-’Iyn whoever he wants.” . The first two apply to both genders but the third only applies to men. So it seems that men get three types of rewards for controlling their anger and women only get two. Because men get a reward of choosing whichever Hoor they like, do women get rewarded with something else instead, like for example choosing another type of reward they like? So that both genders get three rewards? Or Is it that men get three rewards for anger control and women only two ?
بسم الله الرحمٰن الرحيم
الجواب حامداً ومصلياً
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Dear sister, your question shows your deep concern about your dīn and how much you strive to learn about it. We sincerely pray that Allāh guides us all and keeps us steadfast on the truth. We pray that the more you learn, the more the beauty of Islām will dawn upon your heart.
To answer your questions, four points must be kept in mind:
- It is necessary to view Islām holistically. It is a difficult task, and you have made great strides in this direction. Your question shows the depth of your studies of Islām. As you progress in your study of Islām, it will become apparent that one (or even a few) verse(s) of Qurʾān or saying(s) of Rasūlullāh ﷺ cannot be taken to encompass all aspects of a subject.
- Jannah is not limited to nor is subject to the physical constraints and laws of this world.
- The Qurʾān and sayings of the Rasūlullāh ﷺ usually explain things in a general manner. In other words, in a way that applies to most people.
- A ḥadīth is, in essence, a snapshot of a moment in time. Rasūlullāh ﷺ was with a person or group of people and would speak based on that specific setting and audience. Those present conveyed it to others. It is not necessary that Rasūlullāh ﷺ mentioned every single thing to every single person, nor is it necessary that the rewards and punishments that Allāh has prepared for people are limited only to the things that Rasūlullāh ﷺ has mentioned.
Taking all of the verses and sayings of the Rasūlullāh ﷺ about the rewards of Jannah into consideration, we can say that the verses that summarize them are:
وَلَكُمْ فِيهَا مَا تَشْتَهِي أَنفُسُكُمْ وَلَكُمْ فِيهَا مَا تَدَّعُونَ . نُزُلًا مِّنْ غَفُورٍ رَّحِيمٍ
“You will have everything you desire and ask for as a welcoming gift from the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful One.” (41:31-32)
يُطَافُ عَلَيْهِم بِصِحَافٍ مِّن ذَهَبٍ وَأَكْوَابٍ ۖ وَفِيهَا مَا تَشْتَهِيهِ الْأَنفُسُ وَتَلَذُّ الْأَعْيُنُ ۖ وَأَنتُمْ فِيهَا خَالِدُونَ .ادْخُلُوا الْجَنَّةَ أَنتُمْ وَأَزْوَاجُكُمْ تُحْبَرُونَ
“Enter Jannah, you and your spouses, rejoicing. Golden trays and cups will be passed around to them. There will be whatever the souls desire and the eyes delight in. And you will be there forever.” (43:70-71)
We learn from these verses that we will have whatever we desire in Jannah. We know this because Allāh is the Most Merciful. He will take care of both men and women in accordance with their desires and needs. The life that awaits women in Jannah will be just as blissful as it will be for men.
However, keeping in mind point #2, we must realize that Jannah is beyond the realm of our current worldly restrictions. Therefore, the perceived fruits of Jannah do necessarily correspond to the paradigm of this worldly life. We are actually given a taste of this concept in this world.
Consider a scenario in which one person is given a dozen apples. The enjoyment experienced from eating apples is limited. They eat more and more hoping to be satiated, yet even after finishing all twelve of the apples, they remain unsatiated and still desire more. On the other hand, another person is given only one apple, but they experience such enjoyment in it that they are completely satiated after eating it and do not desire any more.
As for the specific reward mentioned in your question, this goes back to point #3. The nature of men is such that one of their greatest desires/motivations is women. This is true for the vast majority of men, and generally, there is not much variance between them. On the other hand, the things that women desire and are motivated by are more varied and nuanced. If you were to ask 100 men and 100 women to anonymously write down what their greatest desire is, you will see that most men will write down women, whereas you will find many different answers amongst the women. (A few scholars have actually done this experiment, and this was the result!).
For this reason, the reward of multiple wives is mentioned – it is a motivating factor that will appeal to most men. This in no way means that rewards will not be customized in such a way that each and every inhabitant of Jannah will be happy. For example, the Rasūlullāh ﷺ mentions that one man in Jannah will ask to farm. Allāh will ask him if the reason for this is that he is not enjoying the pleasures of Jannah. The man will respond that that is not the case – he simply likes to farm. While there is at least one person in Jannah who will have this reward, it is only mentioned scarcely because it is not a common desire, and therefore, most people will not be motivated by it. Because women are more nuanced, there is not a one-size-fits-all reward that can be mentioned for them. Instead, the Qurʾān suffices by saying that you will have whatever you desire.
Keeping this in mind, if we look at this specific issue, it becomes clear that a male being given many wives does not establish there being more satisfaction or satiation from them. While Allāh offers multiple rewards of a singular nature to men, their satiation may very well be less than the satiation of what a woman enjoys and cherishes from just one husband. Additionally, the desires of inhabitants of Jannah will all be in line with the natural human disposition, untainted by the influences and biases of this world. They will not desire anything in Jannah that is contrary to the natural human disposition.
Moreover, since the rules of the world do not apply, it is very possible that two individuals may be living together in Jannah, but both of them are individually experiencing a different rank/level. The delight gained from one moment spent as a wife to one man may tower over the enjoyment her husband gains from spending 100 years with multiple wives. It is these variables and nuances which will make the lives of Jannah satisfactory for each person at his or her level.
Our sincere advice is that we shouldn’t concern ourselves with how many rewards men and women will get relative to one another. We are each entitled and responsible for our own deeds. We must concentrate on being pious and following Allāh’s commands. By doing this, we hope to achieve Jannah knowing that, as true believers, we will be happy to receive whatever awaits us because we know that Allāh will provide what is best for us.
والله تعالى أعلم وعلمه أتم وبه التوفيق
And Allāh Taʿālā Knows Best
Muftī Mohammed Wahaajuddin bin Salauddin
(May Allāh forgive him and his parents)
 Sahih al-Bukhari 2348 – Agriculture – كتاب المزارعة – Sunnah.com – Sayings and Teachings of Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه و سلم)