My question here is, my father is furious and my mom is torn apart by this news. what words should my father use to not further bring haram to his name?
What kind of conversation can he have now that she is coming to meet him from abroad.
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
First, I sincerely apologize for not responding earlier. My schedule in Ramaḍān has been very hectic, and I wanted to take out the time to give you the proper answer that you deserve.
Without a doubt, this unfortunate situation is a huge challenge for all parties involved – your sister, your mother, your father, and you. Inshāʾ Allāh, you will be given the wisdom to act as a cool head in this matter and will help steer it to a course that preserves your sister’s dīn and the relationship between her and your parents.
Allāh unequivocally forbids marriage between mushrikīn and Muslims.
وَلَا تَنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكَاتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّ ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْ ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا الْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْ ۗ أُولَٰئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى النَّارِ ۖ وَاللَّهُ يَدْعُو إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ وَالْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِ (سورة البقرة: ٢٢١)
“And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission.” (2:221)
If a “marriage” were to take place, it would have no standing in Islām, and they would be living a life of perpetual sin. At the same time, reacting in an emotional and rash manner may worsen the situation.
It was not clear from the question whether your sister is in America or abroad. This would have some impact on the answer. If she is here, we can speak to her, and if she in India, particularly in Hyderabad, we can arrange for someone to assess the situation and advise. You can respond back with your number to my email, firstname.lastname@example.org, or my phone which can be obtained by contacting the masjid office.
However, some general advice and guidelines can be followed:
- Your father is justifiably angry, but he should not speak to your sister until he is composed. The matter is very delicate, and if your sister feels completely alienated from the family, she may, Allāh forbid, be tempted by Shayṭān to leave Islām as well. If she goes forward with the marriage, she will be living a life of sin, but she is still Muslim.
- Your sister should try to invite and persuade the groom to accept Islam.
- If he does not listen to her, she should be dissuaded from this marriage, but if she insists, a level-headed person from your family should talk to the groom and invite him to Islām.
- Even if his conversion seems to be insincere, if he says the kalimah, this is a start. From here, the seeds of Imān can sprout and eventually give fruit. But, it will take patience and nurturing from your sister and your family.
- If he refuses to even say the kalimah, your family should not approve of or attend the marriage, but at the same time, communication with your sister should not be cut off completely. Maintain the relationship so that she maintains her dīn.
- Lastly, and most importantly, continuously make duʿāʾ for the hidāyah (guidance) of your sister and the boy that she wants to marry. Duʿāʾ is accepted by Allāh in one way or another. Cry in front of Allāh and beg him to rectify the situation. Do not become despondent or lose hope in Allāh’s mercy. Allāh says, “Despair not of relief from Allah. Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except the disbelieving people.” (12:87)
I pray that Allāh gives your sister hidāyah. May He open her heart to make decisions that are pleasing to Him and in accordance with our dīn. May He give your parents patience and resoluteness. May He give you the strength to mediate. May He open the heart of the Hindu boy to Islām and make him a sincere Muslim.
Please contact me back at the email or number provided.
والله تعالى أعلم وعلمه أتم وبه التوفيق
And Allāh Taʿālā Knows Best
Muftī Mohammed Wahaajuddin bin Salauddin
(May Allāh forgive him and his parents)