Wife Not Happy In Marriage – Half Our Deen? (Related to Another Question)

QuestionsCategory: MarriageWife Not Happy In Marriage – Half Our Deen? (Related to Another Question)
Convert asked 2 weeks ago

As salaam alaikum respected Mufti, I am looking forward to your response inchaAllah.

I converted to Islam close to 20 years ago Alhamdulillah.  I was part of a very small Muslim community with an amazing support network including weekly halaqa, prayed, fasted, celebrated Eid together, and took part in a dawah program for other converts and women interested in the deen across the state. I was constantly surrounded by someone reminding me of Allah SWT Alhamdulillah and my iman was boosted by being around pious sisters Alhamdulillah.
After many years I married. He has been to hajj, goes to the masjid a couple times a day, fasts & gives charity regularly Masha Allah. The problem is that he rarely prays with me, and when discussing The deen conversations are extremely unpleasant- he becomes extremely angry about politics. When he went to hajj and umrah he didn’t take me, and he donates thousands to charitable causes while I struggle financially with medical bills and personal expenses that I often cannot pay.
I have read that Marriage is half the deen but unfortunately I do not feel Islam in my relationship. My husband has a very nice income Alhamdulillah but i am not impressed by this. I’m thankful for our home and things Alhamdulillah but I want my husband to work toward the hereafter with me inchaAllah, however All of my acts of ibadah are alone.  Before marriage we discussed that we would practice together and he would lovingly guide me and teach me, he knows the importance of the deen but will not practice with me. I do not understand in what context half the deen is as it is applied to marriage- 1. Do we, as spouses have any obligations to preform ibadah together? Especially if that was the agreement prior to marriage? Will my deen be deficient if I divorce?
Additionally, I have habitually dealt with inappropriate interactions with other women since getting married over ten years ago- i.e. dating sites, pornography & Recently he told me he was working when but rented a hotel room and had dinner with another woman. I stay distraught – I have tried to have Sabr but I feel defeated and depressed. I stay home, no friends, keep the home well, cook, obey my husband and try to be kind but do rarely bring these issues up and he gets irate. My mental and physical health are declining, and my iman isn’t as strong as before. I know asking for divorce is haram  so I cry and beg him to please make the decision to divorce me if there is ever another woman (even pornography/friendship/coffee/texting because I’m not willing to overlook this) and he says wallahi he will, but whenever I find out about another situation he doesn’t divorce me- ***2. Is he obligated to keep his word?  ****3. If I do not respect him as a Muslim husband, do not trust him and feel that I would be a better Muslim when single and not constantly in tears. will I be punished I I file for divorce? I want to do the right thing but have no guidance. Please help me.  I appreciate your time

1 Answers
Mufti Wahaaj Staff answered 2 weeks ago

بسم الله الرحمٰن الرحيم

الجواب حامداً ومصلياً

As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Dear sister,

May Allāh ease your difficult situation and give you strong īmān, happiness, and peace of mind.

Some aspects of your question were addressed here: Half the deen | Tawheed Center – Farmington Hills. This answer will, inshāʾ Allāh, address the things that were not discussed in that answer.

Questions

  1. Do we, as spouses have any obligations to preform ibadah together? Especially if that was the agreement prior to marriage? Will my deen be deficient if I divorce?
  2. Is he obligated to keep his word [to give a divorce]?
  3. If I do not respect him as a Muslim husband, do not trust him and feel that I would be a better Muslim when single and not constantly in tears. will I be punished I I file for divorce?

Answers

A general rule in regard to questions 1 and 2 is that Muslims have a moral obligation to fulfill the promises they make.[1]

  1. While performing ʿibādah together is recommended and is a means of earning Allāh’s pleasure and mercy, it is not an obligation. Failing to do so would not make the couple sinful. Rather, each spouse is obligated to fulfill their own farāʾiḍ.
  2. As mentioned above, people are morally obligated to keep their promises.
  3. We sympathize with your situation and pray that things change for the better for you. It is important to be in a loving, supporting marriage. That being said, Islām does not give women the right to unilateral divorce. While filing for a divorce in civil court will end the civil (legal) marriage, it will not necessarily dissolve the Islāmic marriage. Instead, she has three options:
    • Asking the husband to divorce her: This would result in a revocable divorce (ṭalāq rajʿī). During the waiting period (ʿiddah), the husband can unilaterally take back the wife in marriage as long as it is the first or second divorce issued. No new nikāḥ is needed.[2] If he says, “I irrevocably divorce you” or “I give you one ṭalāq bāʾin”, the nikāḥ will be broken. If the husband and wife wish to remarry one another, both parties must concent, a new nikāḥ must be performed, and a new mahr (dowry) must be paid to the wife. If the couple do not reconcile during the ʿiddah period, the wife is free to remarry when it is over.
    • Khulʿah: She offers to pay the husband to divorce her.[3] This will result in an irrevocable divorce.[4] If the husband or wife wants to remarry, both parties must consent, a new nikāḥ must be performed, and a new mahr (dowry) must be paid.
    • She goes to a committee of scholars who will hear her case and see if there are grounds to annul the marriage (faskh).[5] In this case also, if the parties wish to remarry, both parties must consent, a new nikāḥ must be performed, and a new mahr (dowry) must be paid.

In your case, you should first voice your concerns to your husband and try to reconcile. If reconciliation is not possible, you can remind him that he promised to divorce you and request it again. If he does not grant it, you can offer to return your mahr (dowry) or pay him some other amount to divorce you. If he does not agree to this, you can go to a committee of scholars who will speak to both you and your husband and then, if they deem your claims justified based on Sharʿī grounds, they will annul the marriage. After your ʿiddah (waiting period), you will be free to remarry Islāmically.

There is a local committee headed by Shaykh al-Ḥadīth Qārī Muḥammad Ilyas that hears faskh cases. If need be, please email them at daruliftaa@masjidmadinatulilm.org, and they can set an appointment.

والله تعالى أعلم وعلمه أتم وبه التوفيق
And Allāh Taʿālā Knows Best

Muftī Mohammed Wahaajuddin bin Salauddin
(May Allāh forgive him and his parents)

 

[1]

قال الله تعالى: وَأَوْفُوا بِالْعَهْدِ ۖ إِنَّ الْعَهْدَ كَانَ مَسْئُولًا (سورة الإسراء: ٣٤)

مرقاة المفاتيح، كتاب البيوع، ج٥ ص٩٦٢، رقم: ٢٩٢٣، دار الفكر

(وعن عمرو بن عوف المزني) : بضم الميم وفتح الزاي كان قديم الإسلام وهو ممن نزل فيه {تولوا وأعينهم تفيض من الدمع} [التوبة: ٩٢] عن النبي – صلى الله عليه وسلم – قال: ” «الصلح جائز بين المسلمين إلا صلحا حرم حلالا، أو أحل حراما» “) : كالصلح على أن لا يطأ الضرة وكالصلح على الخمر والخنزير (” «والمسلمون على شروطهم» “) : أي: ثابتون على ما اشترطوا (” إلا شرطا حرم حلالا “) : بأن يشترط لامرأته أن لا يطأ جاريته (” أو أحل حرما “) : بأن يشترط أن يتزوج أخت امرأته معها (رواه الترمذي، وابن ماجه، وأبو داود انتهت روايته) : أي: مروي أبي داود (عند قوله: على شروطهم) : روى أحمد، وأبو داود، والحاكم، عن أبي هريرة الفصل الأول فقط.

[2]

الاختيار، كتاب الطلاق، باب الرجعة، ج٢ ص١٧٢، مكتبة العمرية

قال: (الطلاق الرجعي لا يحرم الوطء) وهو أن يطلق الحرة واحدة أو ثنتين بصريح الطلاق من غير عوض والدليل عليه قوله تعالى: {وبعولتهن أحق بردهن} [البقرة: ٢٢٨] والبعل هنا الزوج، ولا زوج إلا بقيام الزوجية، وقيام الزوجية يوجب حل الوطء بالنص والإجماع، ولأن الله تعالى أثبت للزوج حق الرد من غير رضاها، والإنسان إنما يملك رد المنكوحة إلى الحالة التي كانت عليها قبل الطلاق، فلا يكون النكاح زائدا ما دامت العدة باقية فيحل الوطء.

قال: (وللزوج مراجعتها في العدة بغير رضاها) لما تلونا ولا خلاف فيه، ولأن قوله تعالى: {في ذلك} [البقرة: ٢٢٨] أي في العدة لأنها مذكورة قبله، ولقوله تعالى: {فأمسكوهن بمعروف} [البقرة: ٢٣١] والمراد الرجعة لأنه ذكره بعد الطلاق، ثم قال: {أو فارقوهن بمعروف} [الطلاق: ٢] ولقوله – عليه الصلاة والسلام – لعمر: «مر ابنك فليراجعها» .

[3]

قال الله تعالى: {فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ} سورة البقرة: ٢٢٩

الفتاوى الهندية، كتاب الطلاق، باب الثامن في الخلع وما في حكمه، ج١ ص٤٨٨، مطبعة الكبرى

إذا تشاق الزوجان وخافا أن لا يقيما حدود الله فلا بأس بأن تفتدي نفسها منه بمال يخلعها به فإذا فعلا ذلك وقعت تطليقة بائنة ولزمها المال كذا في الهداية.

[4]

الاختيار، كتاب الطلاق، باب االخلع، ج٢ ص١٨٤، مكتبة العمرية

قال: (وهو أن تفتدي المرأة نفسها بمال ليخلعها به، فإذا فعلا لزمها المال ووقعت تطليقة بائنة) والأصل في جوازه قوله تعالى: {فإن خفتم ألا يقيما حدود الله فلا جناح عليهما فيما افتدت به} [البقرة: ٢٢٩] ، وإنما تقع تطليقة بائنة لقوله – عليه الصلاة والسلام -: «الخلع تطليقة بائنة» ولأنه كناية فيقع به بائنا لما مر ولا يحتاج إلى نية، إما لدلالة الحال، أو لأنها ما رضيت ببذل المال إلا لتملك نفسها وتخرج من نكاحه، وذلك بالبينونة وهو مذهب عمر وعثمان وعلي وابن مسعود – رضي الله عنهم

الاختيار، كتاب الطلاق، فصل في وصف الطلاق، ج٢ ص١٥٤، مكتبة العمرية

البائن: هو الشديد الذي لا يقدر على رجعتها، بخلاف الرجعي، لأنه ليس بشديد عليه حتى يملك رجعتها بدون أمرها اهـ

[5]

الحيلة الناجزة، ص٦٣، مكتبة رضي

اگر کسی عورت کا شوہر کسی طریقہ سے نہ ما نے یا شوہر کے مجنون یا لا پتہ ہونے کی وجہ سے خلع وغیرہ ممکن نہ ہو اور عورت کو صبر کر نے کی ہمت نہ ہو تو مجبورامذہب مالکیہ کے مطابق دین دار مسلمانوں کی پنچائیت میں معاملہ پیش کرنے کی گنجائش ہے کیونکہ مالکیہ کے مذہب میں قاضی و غیرہ نہ ہونے کی حالت میں یہ صورت جائز ہے کہ محلہ کے دین دار مسلمانوں کی ایک جماعت جو کم از کم تین افراد پر مشتمل ہو پنچائت مقرر کرےاور واقعہ کی تحقیق کر کے شریعت کے موافق فیصلہ کردے تو فیصلہ بھی فیصلئہ قاضی کے قائم مقام ہوتا ہے۔